Cardio

We finally had our appointment to check on our little guy’s heart. We knew we were looking at a heart defect, but didn’t know exactly what was going on with it. Our little guy was moving all over the place and literally never stopped moving. The doctor was so surprised at how much he actually moves. It was cute and funny for a while, but it caused the ultrasound to go twice as long. We were doing the ultrasound for a solid two hours, so they could try and get all the images they needed. Every time they would go to capture the image, he would jump in a different direction.  The doctor finally ended the ultrasound and we sat down to discuss all the results. She saw two major complications that will need to be addressed. I can’t even begin to fully explain what we are looking at, but the cliff notes version of it all is that he has a hole in the bottom chambers and his aorta is small. She was still a little unclear on the full picture because he wouldn’t sit still for the ultrasound and she was unable to get a clear look at things. She was able to give us a slight game plan at what we are looking at treatment wise once he is born. I don’t want to dwell on that too much at this point since things are still a little unclear. We left the appointment feeling very overwhelmed. There was a lot of information thrown at us and it took some time to process.

We have an appointment in 3 weeks for a follow up where she is going to take another look and hopefully come up with a firm diagnosis. Hopefully he will cooperate and sit still a little better. Eventually we will meet with the surgeons and get their perspective and game plan on surgeries and have an even more clear picture on what we are going to be looking at once he is here. It’s scary. For so long we have focused solely on the threat of the cystic hygroma. At our last appointment, we found out that the CH had gone from a 3.6 to a 2.1 and looked to be resolving! Our new hurdle is his heart. I pray that his heart continues to grow and that his complications heal or at least get better. God has been hearing and answering our prayers so far and I pray that he continues to protect and heal our baby.

Halfway There!

We have made it to 20 weeks and are excited that we have made it to the halfway point. We started this journey not knowing if we would make it this far, but God has answered our prayers. Every day I thank God for another day with our baby. I have started to feel him move around which brings a smile to my face every time I feel it. I can’t wait for Trey to be able to feel our baby. Some good friends of ours let us borrow their fetal doppler so now we are able to listen to the heartbeat whenever we want. I have to say, it is a little addicting to have that joy at our fingertips. There is so much comfort in being able to check on him whenever we feel the urge and we have even been able to share it with family.

We went in for our level II anatomy scan today and overall were given good news. The CH was still there, but the doctor didn’t even mention it. He took another look at the heart and said we were moving in the right direction. Last time he saw us (16wks) it looked like there was a hole in all 4 chambers of the heart. Today, it looked as if there was a tiny hole only in the bottom chamber of the heart. The dr said often times these will close up on their own before delivery or they can be treated once the baby is born. Good news, but still some uncertainty. We will get more information on this in a couple of weeks when we meet with the fetal cardiologist. A couple of the baby’s measurements were still a little on the short side, but the doctor is not concerned with it. He said the baby is still growing and they aren’t that far off, so baby might just be a little on the small side. So, looks like he takes after me. We are still waiting on the results of our amnio because they ended up having to grow some of the cells. We should have more information on that as well in a couple of weeks.  These next couple of weeks are going to be full of information and I ask God to help us understand everything that comes our way.

Apparently all along we were supposed to be going to see our regular OB for checkups on me. (I have been in doctor’s offices every two weeks or so for the last 2 months, when would there have been time for me? Isn’t that how it goes when you have kids, there is never time for yourself anymore? J)  I called and explained everything to my OB and they want me in Thursday. It seems as though there was a communication somewhere which is understandable given the circumstances.  In all reality, I only missed my 16 week check up with them, so hopefully everything works out the way it should.  

All in all, our appointment was filled with hope. We are still a little nervous about getting too comfortable, but things are definitely looking up. We will now be on an every 4 week schedule with Texas Children’s until delivery. Yes, the doctor actually mentioned delivery! Please continue to pray for Baby Bish, God is listening and doing amazing things through our baby.  

 Right when she put the probe on my belly for a side view he turned his head to look at us. To be completely honest though, kinda looks like an alien :)

 Legs- Loos like Pinochio

 

Tiny foot (It looked better on the monitor)

 

Ting fingers waving at us.

 

I am overwhlemed with how much love I already have for this little guy. Every time I see him on the screen I think he is just the cutest thing ever!. 

 

 

 

Amnio, Take Two... Action!

We had our appointment today for our second attempt at the amnio. Overall everything went well. Our baby wouldn’t cooperate yet again with the ultrasound tech and was being quite difficult. He was always moving around, but when she needed to turn a certain way for a better angle, he would jerk in the opposite direction. His heart rate was still awesome, but there is still an indication that there could be a heart defect. The CH has not grown which is good and is looking smaller as baby gets bigger. They said a lot of times babies just grow into their CHs. As we are getting the different images we couldn’t help but laugh because the only clear image the baby would cooperate with was of his boy parts. He’s quite proud and wants to make sure everyone can see at all times. We were able to do the amnio and the doctor was quite excited. She joked that with all the less invasive techniques out there she doesn’t get to do many procedures and loves to do amnioes. I laughed at her and said I felt like I was on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where all the doctors were fighting over the different procedures and surgeries. The procedure itself went smooth. It was a different kind of feeling. It wasn’t quite pain, but just a weird pressure. Baby was completely unaffected by the procedure. When we checked his heart rate at the end it was the exact same, so he didn’t have any stress over it. When we finished we both had to do blood work that way if something did show up in the results they could compare it to our blood samples and try and figure out where it came from.  Trey was not thrilled and I never realized how much he hated being poked with needles. He told the nurse that he couldn’t complain too much because of everything I have been through. I walked into the room and he looked nervous. I smiled at him and said they just stuck a needle through my stomach so I think he could handle it. All in all a good day. With every appointment we grow more at peace and more hopeful that everything will be ok. God is definitely doing amazing things in our lives and in our faith. We have another appointment scheduled for 2 weeks where we will do a full anatomy scan where they will take all kinds of measurements of baby and the different bones. They did that a little the last time and it’s fun to see all the parts. Two weeks after that we will go for the fetal echo for more information on the heart. We will find out exactly what the issue is and what the game plan will be moving forwards. As always we are asking for God’s continued protection over our baby and his healing grace. There is great comfort knowing that all this is in His hands.

This was taken right after the amnio. He is hiding his face behind his hand.

(I joked that he was pouting from the procedure)

It's a ..........

Back when we did that first round of blood work for the genetic testing we were able to find out the gender of Baby Bish. Our genetics counselor called to give us the results of the blood work and we got the all clear on the 4 main disorders we were testing for and were pleased with that news. She asked if we wanted to know the gender and I told her we did. Prior to diagnosis of the CH we had said we wanted to do a big gender reveal party in which we found out with the rest of the people at the party. Because of all the fertility treatments, most people knew we were trying and were expecting to hear news that we were pregnant. So there was no real surprise factor when we announced we were finally pregnant, so we wanted to make the gender reveal a big deal. That was going to be the first surprise to reveal.  After the diagnosis and the fight for our baby’s life began, all of that took a back seat and became less important. What was important to us now was the fight. I always planned on Trey and I being together and sharing a moment of finding out the gender together. Well now I was on the phone with the counselor and Trey was still at work. I froze and didn’t quite know what to do. I told her we wanted to know, but I didn’t know if Trey would want us to find out together or if he would be ok with me telling him. I think I more so wanted us to find out together. She said she would be there for a few more hours doing paperwork and I could call her back if we wanted. I called Trey to tell him we had the results of the blood work and he asked if it was good news or bad news. More like, do I need to rush home or can I finish what I am working on. I told him the news was the best we could ask for at this point and then went into specifics. I mentioned she knew the gender and we decided to conference call her so we could both be on the line. She told us and it was somewhat of an awkward moment. We were going to be excited either way and Trey said all that mattered at this point was that we get Baby here.

I used to make fun of my sister when she was pregnant with her kids because she would always say she had a gut feeling to what the gender of her kids was; like it was mother’s intuition. I laughed and made fun of her and told her she was full of it. Shortly after we found out we were pregnant and when I started to think about it, I had that gut feeling as to what we were having and I turned out to be right. I guess at the end of the day I had a 50/50 chance of being right.

After finding out the gender, I feel like things were harder. It made us that much more emotionally attached to our baby. With still so many unanswered questions, that was scary. I feel like with every appointment and with everything we find out about baby, we get that much more attached. Now, with every day that passes, I feel like we are one day closer to getting to meet our little one and start a life together.

 

Oh Yeah, did I mention IT'S A BOY!!!

No Amnio Today

So, we had a very long doctor’s appointment today. Appointment was at 1 and we didn’t leave until 3:30. We first met with the genetics counselor and went over the procedure itself and what the results will look like. We then went in for an ultrasound to check on baby before the procedure itself. They have to check to make sure the amniotic sac fused with the uterine cavity (I am sure those might be 2 different things, but that’s the best I can remember). Anyways, if you do the amnio before these 2 things fuse you are at an increased risk of complications. Well mine weren’t fused at all yet, so we will have to postpone the amnio a couple of weeks until this happens. She continued on and looked at all the different structures. The CH was still there and was about the same size. It looked a little better though simply because the baby was larger which made the CH not seem as large. She pointed out a bunch of key structures and everything was there and the heartbeat was strong. The doctor came in to discuss our ultrasound and take a look for himself. The ultrasound tech had raised a concern about the heart. She was trying to locate all the chambers, but was having difficulty. She noted that it could just be because the heart is still so small. When the doctor looked he told us the same thing. He said he noticed a defect called AV canal defect. He said it is still early for a positive diagnosis on this, but that is what he was seeing at this point. At the same time, when he looked at the heart from a different angle he did not see this defect at all. We already knew that heart defects were common with CH and knew we would be going for a fetal echo at some point, so we will be looking forward to that appointment for some answers. There was also a concern with the umbilical cord. Normally there are 2 arteries that flow through the cord, ours only has one. They said this is a situation seen in normal babies and babies with genetic issues so we will know more about this after the amnio results come back. There were a couple of measurements in the legs that were a little on the short side, but nothing of great concern. (OK so the baby may have my height genes).  It seems like a lot of unknowns were thrown our way again. Still all these questions about why these issues are there and what they will be like in the future.

With all this being thrown at me in this appointment, surprisingly there was a calming sensation through it all. No panic. I felt like God had his hands on me and my belly and was comforting me and making me feel like He had this in His hands. It was a weird sensation. Trey and I both left the office feeling better than we had at the first appointment. There seemed to be more hope this go around and we weren’t being given such a negative outlook. Yes, there are still a number of things that can go wrong still, but there was this sense of calming for both of us. All we can do is take it one appointment/procedure/test at a time.

The whole time we were having the ultrasound done; this baby was all over the place. I don’t think he/she  was ever still. I told Trey this baby looks like a bundle of fun.  I can’t wait to start feeling all that movement.  Again he/she was a little stubborn and wouldn’t quite cooperate with the ultrasound tech. She would get an image and go to get an image from a different angle and as soon as she would go to capture it, he would jump and change positions. It was rather entertaining to watch. I know with normal pregnancies there aren’t a lot of ultrasounds that take place, and so I kind of find this to be a positive of all this, we get lots of time to see baby and watch him/her grow.

We re-scheduled the amnio for 2 weeks on 02/13. We have to wait for Texas Children’s in the medical center to call us to schedule the fetal echo. Hopefully this next month will be full of answers and good results.

Words cannot express the gratitude for all the people we have praying for us and our baby. I pray that I am able to tell him one day about all these wonderful people that cared for him before he was ever born. I guess the old saying is true, it takes a village…

A Case of the Mondays

Nobody enjoys Mondays and it seems that everyone often complains about them. My feelings about Mondays these days come with a mixed emotion. Every Monday is when I start a new week of pregnancy. Before the diagnosis, I would send Trey a text every Monday morning saying “Happy ____ weeks. I quit after the diagnosis due to fear of the unknown and being scared to get excited about pregnancy. Not knowing what another week might bring. Since Mondays mark the beginning of a new pregnancy week this is also the day I get all the e-mail and text alerts about how baby is developing. I stopped reading them for a couple of weeks because it would make me really sad and emotional. I have started reading them again and at the end of the day they give me hope and something to hold on to. At 16 weeks I read due to muscles forming in the ear canal that baby can start distinguishing voices. I plan on having a very long talk with this little guy/gal.

This Monday brought a wave of emotions on me out of nowhere. We had a fire drill at school and as I am standing outside waiting for the all clear I see another pregnant teacher and have to fight back the tears. I see pregnant people all the time and, I hate to admit it, but I get jealous and envious of them. They all look so happy. In my head I start doing a side by side comparison and I am the terrified one living every day in fear and they are the ones planning a nursery and registering for baby gifts. The rest of the day I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown or panic attack; like I couldn’t breathe. I’m not always like this and I have actually been doing much better emotionally since sharing my story and realizing how many people we have out there praying for us, but today was a struggle.

I called Mom on my way home from work and just cried. All I kept saying was “I’m tired.” Physically I am fine. Physically this has been the easiest pregnancy ever. I had no morning sickness and, so far, no aches and pains. I’m just emotionally tired and spent. I started thinking though. If I am expecting this baby to be strong and fight and not give up, I must do the same. I can’t afford to waste time being sad or tired. I have tried to make it a habit that when I start to feel the emotions coming on or the anxiousness set in to stop and say a quick prayer. Worry about nothing; pray about everything.

We go for our next Dr. appointment on Wednesday where we will check on baby and, if everything is good, have the amnio done. I am always anxious before these appointments and very overwhelmed. I pray that we go and baby’s heartbeat is there and strong. I pray for a successful procedure and clear test results. Most of all, I pray for this stupid growth to be gone or shrinking.

Birthdays

Today I celebrated my 27^th birthday. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I have always made a big deal out of my birthdays. The countdown began on New Year’s Day and there were always weekly updates. These last few years have been quite different for me in terms of birthdays.

We started trying to get pregnant in January of 2011. I remember celebrating that birthday, the same went for New Year’s Eve, with a smile thinking “this time next year, we could have a baby or be pregnant!” There was a lot of excitement to that thought. New Year’s Eve and my birthday of 2012 came around with no baby and I was really sad. That year began with making appointments with a fertility specialist. Though I was feeling a little angry and bitter, there was slight excitement in that this could be our year. We were going to a specialist that had the tools, knowledge and capabilities to make this happen for us. I knew there could be a lot in store for us in 2012, but I had no idea it would be to the extent it was.

When we found out in November we were expecting, I was excited for New Year’s and my birthday because finally I would get to celebrate the year ahead with such excitement. We had planned to announce our pregnancy on New Year’s Eve which marked our 12^th week. We both had our separate way we were going to make it “Facebook official.” We got the CH diagnosis 4 days before, so that plan was put off.  I spent New Year’s emotional and we didn’t celebrate much. Neither one of us were really up to it. We decided to stay home; we had a gourmet meal of cereal and toast and then snuggled up in bed at 7pm to watch a movie.  

My birthday has now come and I am filled with more excitement then before. I put our story out there this last weekend and am overwhelmed with the response and the sense of relief I feel. In less than 24 hours, we had over 1,100 people view our story. It got me thinking that if even half, heck even a quarter of those people actually send up a prayer for us, how amazing that will be. I have gone back to read some of the comments people have posted on Facebook about our story and I cry with every single one. I am so grateful for the commitments of prayer total strangers have for us and our baby. These last few nights when praying for our little one, I have sent up a prayer thanking God for the courage to put our story out there and all of the amazing people who have read our story and given me so much hope. There has been a healing grace merely in the number of people our story has reached.

With this birthday I have made an important decision. Yes, it would be easy to crawl up into a ball and lay in bed, sulking in my pain, but I have decided to celebrate. I have decided to celebrate my journey over the last year (really the last couple of years). It’s been a tough road, but I really feel that it has made me a stronger woman, a stronger wife, and a stronger mother (It’s weird to refer to myself as a mother, but the truth is I became a mother the moment the stick changed colors). I have also decided to celebrate the fight, the fight for our baby’s birthday. I am promising this guy/gal to do everything I possibly can over the next 5 months or so to keep him/her safe and be able to celebrate his/her birthday in July.